Diet fail

Yesterday was not a good day for my diet.  I was not feeling well and pretty much stayed in bed all day.  I did fast for 17 hours but then blew it when I ate too much.  I have a hard time controlling myself when I don't feeling well.  I tend to just say, "F.... it" and just eat what I want.  I didn't eat all bad stuff but mostly ate too much.  I didn't even track anything because I didn't want to see the numbers.  

I weighed in this morning and my weight is a little up but not as much as I feared.  I am going to try to do better today and maybe I can make up for my mistake.  

I need to be more careful on days that I don't feel well because that happens a lot.  There has to be a way  to keep from going off the rails every time that happens.  I'll have to think on that.  

D

Week 1 over, Starting Week 2 of Intermittent Fasting

I think I did pretty good for my first week of 16:8 intermittent fasting.  I lost 4 lbs. and I'm ready to lose more.  I really think changing my total calories to 1200 is helping.  My husband bought a set of allen wrenches to tighten up my treadmill since I lost the one that came with it.  I also oiled the belt so it is running nice and smooth now.  I try to walk every day and if the weather is bad I can still walk inside.  Sometimes I just don't feel well and don't want to go outside and wave to the neighbors etc.  I also like that I don't have to worry about what I look like and can just walk in my pajamas if I want.  

When I first started I got really hungry and it was really hard not to overeat when my fast ended.  I quickly learned to eat something more filling or I'd end up eating more.  The first day I had cereal and that left me feeling hungry.  Now I am picking foods that are heavier and more satisfying.  After the first few days it got easier and I even went a little bit longer.  Sometimes I went an hour to an hour and a half longer.  I hope it keeps getting easier.  

I have been just eating two meals and usually end up skipping breakfast.  That works for me anyway.  

Okay, I'm ready for week 2.

D

Gaining Weight

I'm such a mess right now.  I am so upset with myself.  Over the past few months my weight has steadily been increasing.  Some months ago when I was going to Physical Therapy I was around 190 lbs.  I was trying to lose weight but just sat there like an anchor.  Since then I have been steadily gaining and I've been kicking myself with each pound.  I see the number on the scale and vow to work harder to lose, to eat less and to exercise more.  It just doesn't do any good and I feel so hopeless.  I feel like I'm fighting an impossible battle or some evil spirit has a ghostly toe on the scale behind me making the numbers go up.  

I know it could be part of perimenopause.  I'm getting older and that I know I can't do anything about.  I've been getting the hot flashes and been a bit cantankerous at times.  My monthly has been... well, not monthly.  At one point I went 6 months without one.  

I also have 2 conditions that cause me to suffer from chronic pain.  I have Fibromyalgia and Psoriatic Arthritis.  It is difficult to exercise when it hurts to move but I did get a treadmill and try to walk every day - even when every step hurts.  I start off slow and gradually increase but I usually never make it to 2 mph.  I also can't seem to walk much longer than 10 to 15 minutes at a time.  My Rheumatologist suggested that I walk for 10 minutes 3 times a day but so far I haven't been able to.  That is my goal though.  

A doctor recently put me on Lyrica for restless legs and I read that weight gain is the number one side effect.  I take one other drug that also has weight gain as a side effect.  That means I need to work harder to offset that.  

I also have to fight myself.  I get down and depressed at times and just feel like giving up.  Sometimes in the evenings after carefully measuring my food and tracking my calories I start feeling down and resent myself for being so weak.  I feel like my efforts are useless and start binging on whatever I can find like somehow that will make me feel better.  It's like I can't stop myself even though I know that is silly.  

Today I stepped on the scale and it read 220.  I cried.  I've gained 30 pounds in a matter of months.  When my husband needed to lose weight he starting doing intermittent fasting and it seemed to be easy for him.  He only ate one meal a day (dinner) but tracked his calories and made sure he got enough.  He did though, eat whatever he wanted.  He likes to have a piece of cheesecake or a donut at times.  He likes potatoes and with fasting it seemed to not matter for him.  He did talk to his doctor and got her approval and she is very happy about his progress.  He's doing great and has been able to drop his blood pressure med and takes less blood sugar meds.  He wanted me to try it too and I did but even though I was doing the same thing it wasn't working for me.  He doesn't understand and keeps telling me, "you have to track your calories" as if he's sure I'm not.  

Recently I started reading about intermittent fasting.  I read that it doesn't always work as well for woman.  That means I have to do something different.  I think I need more structure and to eat lower carb foods.   I decided to start with the 16:8 version and downloaded the Zero app on the play store.  I have been doing it for about a week.  I still gained a few pounds.  I lost it and almost gave up but today is a new day.  It's Monday... the start of a new week and I'm going to begin again.  

I hit the button to start tracking my fast last night at 9:34 pm.  I usually like to start at 6 pm but I have to start somewhere.  Now I'm trying to keep myself distracted.  I'm drinking lots of water and I have been walking around the house.  I walked around the backyard with my dog and it's a beautiful sunny day today.  I did 10 minutes on the treadmill and did actually make it to 2 mph for at least a few minutes.  

I decided to blog about this thinking that would keep me motivated.  I don't care if no one ever reads this.  It helps to write it out and I think it might even help keep me from another crash and burn.  

D

Sleep Study

I had a sleep study last night.  I'm very glad it's over.  It took forever to get the appointment and I'm sure Covid helped with that.  I thought it was interesting that I had to wear my mask through the first part of getting hooked up and then had to take it off when he couldn't work around it anymore.  I understand wearing the mask to get in the door and past the zero people in the halls to the room but once the process is started it doesn't make sense to require the mask for part of the hooking up process.  I'm claustrophobic so I really struggle to keep from losing my cool while wearing a mask.   If my glasses fog up I have to take off my glasses and walk around blind or I'll end up panicking.  

Anyway, the guy that hooked up all my wires did a really good job.  I googled to see pictures of other people who've had a sleep study and I know my wires were well corralled.  My doctor gave me a sleeping pill for the night since I have insomnia so I slept very well.  I think I woke up about 3 times and went back to sleep pretty quickly.  I don't remember any time staring at the ceiling so I think that is good.  My fitbit says I slept a little short of 6 hours.  I did not enjoy trying to get the waxy gluey goo out of my hair.  He advised that I use hot water and douse it with conditioner first.  He gave me a comb but it was so flexible it was difficult to use.  

When I got home I crawled into my far superior bed and vowed to never sleep anywhere else again... at last until my next trip to Vegas.  

I now have to wait for my doctor's verdict and decisions for the future.   I'm so curious and if I was a cat I'd be dead.  I hate waiting for test results and they said 5 - 10 days.  Wow, that's a long time and I really hope they don't make me wait the full 10 days.  

I have a feeling or fear that I had a good night and the tests will show nothing abnormal.  That is usually how it works isn't it?  I remember when I would take my kids to the doctor when they were little and they were suddenly better once we walked inside.  I have insomnia except this past week before the sleep study.  I was still waking up really early (around 4 am) and starting to droop between 4 - 6 pm so  I was going to bed really early but it was still a regular sleeping schedule where I was actually sleeping most of the night.  

Oh well, I guess I have no choice but to wait and see.  

Dry Eyes

I am having the worst problems with dry eyes.  Who knew such a thing could totally derail your life.  I've noticed when you tell someone you have dry eyes they respond like it's no big deal.  It's like they're thinking, "oh, is that all?" and act like you are making a big deal out of nothing.  Some people tell me to take fish oil and drink lots of water.  Oh yes, I do.  What people don't seem to realize is that it can be caused by certain prescription meds and it is not such an easy fix.  I have an autoimmune disorder so I take drugs that suppress my immune system.  Those drugs are pretty strong and I wouldn't take them if I could avoid it.  

When I wake up my eyelids stick to my eyes and I cannot open them.  I mean, they are really stuck like my eyelids were glued to my eyes.  I always have to use gel lubricant before I go to bed and my eyes soak it up so I usually have to reapply during night time trips to the bathroom.  The gel makes it hard to see though so then I have to feel my way back to bed.  I also use lubricating drops during the day and also prescriptions drops for dry eyes.  I take fish oil capsules, guzzle water and use a humidifier.  It doesn't seem to be a thing that gets better and then goes away.  I thought it would bet better in the spring/summer because it is so dry here during the winter in Alaska but I haven't seen any improvement.  My eyes burn all the time.  

Sometimes I just fall asleep when I wasn't planning to, like when I'm reading or listening to an audiobook, and so didn't use the lubricating eye gel.  A few days ago that happened and then my phone rang and startled me awake so I opened my eyes too fast when they were stuck.  I hurt my left eye, causing a corneal abrasion, and that eye started pouring out tears like there was something big in my eye.  It wouldn't stop and I couldn't see to do anything.  I put lubricant in that eye and then put a gauze patch on it to keep it closed.  That helped some but the vision in my right eye is a lot worse than my left so I couldn't see to do anything.  It also hurt all day so I was pretty miserable.  I kept lubricant in that eye and it was not so bad the next day so I could stop being a pirate.  Now I can barely feel that spot but I'm being very vigilant about using the gel and drops etc. because if my eyes get dry again it can pull of the new cells where it is trying to heal.

So, dry eyes can be more than a minor inconvenience.  I wish I could just take fish oil and drink water and make it go away but that's not really how things work.